Well, it's midnite, and i'm here in New Mexico. If someone had told me Sept. the 10th that I, Leeanne Holgan, New York massage therapist would be flying out, by myself to a flag in new Mexico that has made its way across the United States by the help of many wonderful Americans; and i was to do this for the sole purpose of volunteering my time to the runners in need; i never would have believed them!! not me!! I'm afraid to fly to begin with!! but for some reason, since Sept. 11th, there's not much I'm afraid of. It's amazing what one will do for service that he would never consider for himself. i became aware of the flagrun, the day i returned home from the hospital after having sinus surgery. Each day, since the beginning of the disaster, I've been volunteering my time down at ground 0, working on the rescue workers. i remember thinking to myself "wow, i can help with this as well. These were my intentions, and when i emailed the coordinators, they were all very enthusiastic about the idea. I remember one person in particular say, "you just get here, and we'll take care of the rest!!," i think that was Dee. From their responce, i got the impression that i was the only therapist that had contacted them for this reason. This was hard for me to imagine!! I contacted them the same day i arrived home from the hospital.

Coincidentally, my surgery had been scheduled for Oct. 11th, the day the relay began, but that had been the fourth time i had rescheduled it due to my services at ground 0. i knew i could not reschedule again, and that i would have to fully recuperate from my surgery before joining the flag. My Dr. assured me that my last post operative check up would be Nov. 2nd., "great", I thought, "I will fly out that evening, and join the flag in New Mexico, continue thru Arizona, and be with the flag to the end in L.A.." The coordinators from these states were excited, and waiting for my arrival. I knew that I had to fly out to do this. I had to come here to help, this is the least I could do. That's what I've done at ground 0. How fortunate i feel to be blessed with a skill, one that I've been able to share with others, and support, and help. I've personally gotten so much out of my volunteering that i at times i feel selfish, and ask myself if I'm doing this for me or for the people in need. Father Peverly, a client of mine who is an Episcopalian priest assures me that this is the reward of service, the more we give, the more we get back in return, most of the time doubled. I knew I had to do this, I had to fly out here to help, and be a part of this.

But, there's a saying that "life is what happens while we're planning something else!", and boy that statement was never more true than now. I found once i joined the flag that my services for massage weren't really needed! or should i say, possible. oh sure, I worked on a few people here and there, but there really wasn't the time i had anticipated between runners to do massage. Once the runner handed the flag over to the next runner, the drivers would need to get them back to there cars. I understood this. I remember one runner was so appreciative of my service, she wanted to pay me, "at least take a tip, your volunteering, and you came all the way from New York", she said. "Who's paying you?", I said. "your volunteering your time too!" so we hugged, and I started to cry. It's a beautiful thing the way this country, the people of this country have come together. The way we have rallied and united.

It didn't take me long to realize that maybe, just maybe,I wasn't meant to join this flag in New Mexico for the sole purpose of volunteering massage therapy. That maybe there was a bigger purpose for me. A purpose of needing to grow more from this experience. Maybe just observing the whole thing. That maybe I was just to be still, observe, enjoy, cheer, learn, and cry alittle; that's what I'm doing now as I write in my journal. My tears are just falling. It's ok, maybe they need to fall. I haven't really stopped, I haven't really been still; not since Sept 13th. I'm still now, and now is where the real growing begins!

At one point I was in the van with Ray, following the RV, and i said, "i have to run, i want to run." "Well get out and run", she said. So i did. I didn't run very far. Not very far at all, but it didn't matter, I was there, that's what mattered, and as i ran passed the RV, the man in the passenger seat said, "your looking good", i smiled.

We drove down Rio Grande. I had heard of this before, but this was my first time in New Mexico, so what a thrill to actually be driving down Rio Grande!!! I'll never forget, there were people all along the route to the civic plaza, cheering, yelling, and waving. There were some just standing there in total amazement, children their parents and the elderly. When we were getting close to the civic plaza we stopped due to arriving earlier than expected. Mrs. Marchand, the wife of the airline flight attendant that died at ground 0, was there waiting for the arrival of the flag. There the flag would be handed to her. This was more then i could handle without breaking down. She stood there so courageous. I remember thinking to myself, "i wouldn't have that kind of courage." I approached her, and offered my condolences. We spoke for a short time, and I explained to her the capacity in which I've been able to help at ground 0. She thanked me. I thanked her.

A few of the firefighters over heard our conversation, I spoke to them for awhile too. I was able to share with them some of the experiences I've had with their New York brothers, and shared with them my ground 0 tee shirts which are covered in beautiful sentiments, from all the rescue workers I've been fortunate to help. One in particular stands out in my mind. It reads, " thank you for making our job alittle less dismal, God bless you."

My trip was cut short, but only in time. The experience, strength, and hope that I've gained from being here in New Mexico, with so many incredible people will remain with me for a life time! Colin Powell, said it best when he said, "sometimes out of great tragedy, wonderful opportunities arise." i feel so incredibly blessed to have been a part of this effort, even if it was for only a short time. i want to thank all the coordinators that welcomed me, because if it weren't for them seeing the benefit of my being there, i would not have had the opportunity! So, i humbly say thank you to them from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU!!!!

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